And get mailed hard.

Stuff I might email you:

The Matt Payne Website

Surreal Stories and Funky Music.

BOOKS FOR FREAKS: Absurd Comedy | Surreal Horror | Stoner Lit | Psychedelic Adventures | Visionary Science Fiction.
MUSIC: Funky Experiments in IDM and Indietronica.

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The Paranoid Adventures of Larry Grank

Jul 05, 2014
Adventure / Mystery / Absurd / Comedy

The universe is full of mystery and Larry has the inside scoop. In this collection Larry uncovers secrets about multiple antichrists, alien conspiracies, the Liquid Cult, Jewish people, and exorcism.


Apr 11, 2014
Adventure / Science Fiction

The Pantheon is Electric. A modern retelling of Greek mythology set in a world of robotic gods! Tricking a mountain god into setting him free, Eric must lead his fellows on a perilous journey across the ocean. As they encounter tentacled gods and suffering abominations, Eric realizes he has bit...
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Robot God/Hybrid Brain

Mar 25, 2014
Short Fiction / Science Fiction / Adventure / Mystery / Comedy / Surreal / Absurd

Mind-Bending Short Fiction. A scientist battles a robot-god who experiences time backwards. A magic dog writes mind-destroying fiction. A genetic experiment falls in love with works of art, and tries to make love. A brave soldier travels through a world of perpetual warfare. Plus other stories...
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The Sick Book of Lies

Jan 22, 2014
Self-Help / Comedy / Horror / Lies

A gruesome grimoire of hilarious anecdotes, impossible bullshit, and good advice. Plus sorcery, spiritual insight, get-rich-quick schemes, and ancient wisdom. Pretty much X-rated.

In 2013 an ancient relic was unearthed in the Middle East. The relic was a music-box from a century pre-dating modern humans. A relic of proto-human musical composition. This album is a recording of the sounds on that ancient music machine. Music with an eerie resemblance to modern-day indietronica....
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Sweet Old Trash

Feb 17, 2013

B-sides, leftovers, and other fun oddities.

Medieval Computer

Jun 19, 2011

The loneliness of an old monestary, poured over sexy beats like chocolate over chopped wood. Weird scales and lots of eery sounds.

Funky experiments in structure and form.

Aug 20, 2016

I'm trying to find an agent for a sci-fi book I wrote. That's exciting and kind of stressful, but it's mitigated by another endeavor. Namely: Podcasting! I wrote some sarcastic self-help books, but instead of trying to sell them as books I decided to record them as podcasts and share them with th...
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Jul 02, 2016

A marathon of spices spirals like a paraplegic lobster. I plucked the wings from a mountain lobster and cast it into the deep.

May 30, 2016

The touch-groan muck-screen greens backbone luck tone. Your swid glistens in the dark. Don't let it touch me or I will be forever grateful.

May 30, 2016

Like a waterfall of people, my law is normal. I can only measure. I can never win or lose. There is a wizard on my face. I will never forgive you.

Aug 25, 2016

Modern answers to your deepest philosophical questions. This is a modern re-telling of the classic book of wisdoms, The Prophet. Now with Fancy Language! Listen to this week's episode of the Go Help Yourself Podcast!

Aug 25, 2016

What do you do if you find yourself stuck in a house with a crazed killer who's butchering your friends? Find out on this week's episode of Go Help Yourself!

Aug 20, 2016

I hereby announce the GO HELP YOURSELF Podcast. This is a casual, occasional podcast full of bad advice. It's a satirical self-improvement audio-book series. It's free, but you can donate digital cash at the patreon site. If I get some listeners I'll keep doing it. The first episode is "Ten Wa...
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Jul 20, 2016

Miramichi — A prototype self-driven Tesla van full of record producers and computer programmers arrived in Northern New Brunswick’s largest city today, to browse the local culture, boost the vital tourist economy, and show off their perfect hair... Full Article...
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