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So You're Stuck in a Murder Mystery (Go Help Yourself Series)



Life is full of horrible surprises. And if you ever find yourself trapped in a mansion with your friends getting butchered by an unidentified maniac, you'll have no idea how to respond.

This step-by-step how-to guide will make it easy for even the stupidest idiot to manoeuvre through such an unfolding crime, and to deal with the legal process which will inevitably follow.

Part of the "Go Help Yourself" series of self-help books. With this series you get:

  • -Savagely Helpful
  • -"Telling it like it is"
  • -Step-by-step instructions for a better life
  • -No Refunds


Styles & Genres: self-help, satire, mystery

Released: July, 2016

Other Ebook Formats

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So You're Stuck in a Murder Mystery (Go Help Yourself Series)

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Life is full of horrible surprises. And if you ever find yourself trapped in a mansion with your friends getting butchered by an... [more]

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Background art by August Ekblom.

Original work titled "Extrapolation of the penis," altered with glitch effects.

Dot 11  Copyright Matt Payne 2018

Dot 7  Inquire unto my health: info [at] pattmayne [dot] com

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About Me:

I write weird stories and novels. I like vivid wordplay and far-out adventures. I like to explore subtle ideas, juxtapositions, scary aspects of personal development, and just generally far-out stuff. I like Hard Art, stuff that's upsetting, but also stuff that's just fun and beautiful. That's what's fun for me, and I hope it will be fun for you too. Fun and scary.


Most of my books are independently published. I like the control. I like hiring cover artists and designing the book myself. I have worked with publishers, and I'll do so again, but I'm a very DIY kinda guy and I love the process of giving you something that's completely my own invention.


When I make electronic music I tend to use the rhythm and beat-structure of dance music, while the melodic structure is more influenced by rock, funk, and metal. I've used FruityLoops, Reason, and the powerful (and volatile) suite of music production software in Linux.


I was born in Newfoundland, Canada. I got my degree from St. Thomas University in Fredericton, New Brunswick. I've worked as a line cook, machine operator, web designer, and a bunch of other things.


I also do audio production Psymposia's weekly consciousness-expansion podcast. They're a great organization and you should check them out.


 About this site:

I've "re-vamped" my personal website way too many times. Usually I just want something noisy, jarring, and fun to look at. But I decided I needed something more functional so I built this content-management system in Flask, with Python. Now if I want to update it I'll just change the visuals, but the backend should be solid.


This is the main source for information about my work. Details about my books and music, my publishing history, where to buy my stuff, plus my blog and links to other cool site.


...but it's also a place to just put ridiculous things on the internet. I like internet noise. Glitch art. Broken things. So humour me by exploring it a little bit.


You can drop me a line at info [at] pattmayne [dot] com. I'll probably respond.

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