Life is full of horrible surprises. And if you ever find yourself trapped in a mansion with your friends getting butchered by an unidentified maniac, you'll have no idea how to respond.
This step-by-step how-to guide will make it easy for even the stupidest idiot to manoeuvre through such an unfolding crime, and to deal with the legal process which will inevitably follow.
Part of the "Go Help Yourself" series of self-help books. With this series you get:
Styles & Genres: self-help, satire, mystery
Released: July, 2016
Stories of insanity, horror, and other kinds of fun.
science fiction, mystery, adventure
Paul's wife disappears on their first day on the Martian colony, pulling Paul into a mind-bending adventure that challenges his deepest... [more]
Comedy, Horror, Surrealism, Occult.
The universe is full of mystery and Larry has the inside scoop... at least, he thinks he does. In this collection Larry uncovers secrets... [more]
Science Fiction, Theory Fiction, Surrealism, Adventure, Absurdism
Mind-Bending Short Fiction.
A scientist battles a robot-god who experiences time backwards. A magic dog writes mind-destroying...
[more]
Science Fiction, Absurdism, Comedy, Horror, Occult, Theory Fiction
A gruesome grimoire of hilarious anecdotes, impossible bullshit, and good advice. Plus sorcery, spiritual insight, get-rich-quick... [more]
Adventure, Mystery, Thriller, Science Fiction
Billionaire Playboy.
Murderous Maniac.
Unstoppable Ambition.
Assaulted by unseen forces, his empire...
[more]
Occult Horror, Absurd Comedy, Surrealism
Hipsters and losers seek their fortunes and pursue their weird urges while the Freak Collector weaves his cosmic... [more]
self-help, satire
These short fables by self-proclaimed guru Matt Payne describe how we can all transform our lives by earning more profits. The fancy... [more]
self-help, satire
Everybody needs money, but not everybody is as smart as you. More importantly, not everybody has this scientifically-normalized... [more]
Surreal, Adventure
Escape onto Dinosaur Mountain, a never-ending ski-hill full of dinosaurs and magic, where anything can... [more]
self-help, satire, mystery
Life is full of horrible surprises. And if you ever find yourself trapped in a mansion with your friends getting butchered by an... [more]
self-help, satire
Are you an aspiring artist? Are you ready for marketing agencies to harvest your burgeoning talent by luring you into their cabal of... [more]
Stuff I might email you:
I write weird stories and novels. I like vivid wordplay and far-out adventures. I like to explore subtle ideas, juxtapositions, scary aspects of personal development, and just generally far-out stuff. I like Hard Art, stuff that's upsetting, but also stuff that's just fun and beautiful. That's what's fun for me, and I hope it will be fun for you too. Fun and scary.
Most of my books are independently published. I like the control. I like hiring cover artists and designing the book myself. I have worked with publishers, and I'll do so again, but I'm a very DIY kinda guy and I love the process of giving you something that's completely my own invention.
When I make electronic music I tend to use the rhythm and beat-structure of dance music, while the melodic structure is more influenced by rock, funk, and metal. I've used FruityLoops, Reason, and the powerful (and volatile) suite of music production software in Linux.
I was born in Newfoundland, Canada. I got my degree from St. Thomas University in Fredericton, New Brunswick. I've worked as a line cook, machine operator, web designer, and a bunch of other things.
I also do audio production Psymposia's weekly consciousness-expansion podcast. They're a great organization and you should check them out.
I've "re-vamped" my personal website way too many times. Usually I just want something noisy, jarring, and fun to look at. But I decided I needed something more functional so I built this content-management system in Flask, with Python. Now if I want to update it I'll just change the visuals, but the backend should be solid.
This is the main source for information about my work. Details about my books and music, my publishing history, where to buy my stuff, plus my blog and links to other cool site.
...but it's also a place to just put ridiculous things on the internet. I like internet noise. Glitch art. Broken things. So humour me by exploring it a little bit.
You can drop me a line at info [at] pattmayne [dot] com. I'll probably respond.